I have a theory...

I think I know what was wrong with me last term!

I wish that I could say that I know for sure, but at least now I have a theory about why I was so sick last term.

I guess that I should go back a bit for those of you who didn’t know what was going on last term...very long story short, I was feeling not so hot. I would get dizzy, nauseous, and/or light-headed at what seemed to be (and still seems to be) very random times. And then there were the migraines...oh, man did they suck! At any rate, it was very bad and got in the way of everything from taking a shower to getting work done and taking tests. By the end of the term I had to drop half my course load and go on Medical Recheck (it’s a ROTC thing that doesn’t mean much, except that I was sick and it gave me a few allowances when it came to things). It wasn’t too bad at the beginning of the term, but as time went on, it got worse...and it wasn’t a constant sort of thing, some weeks were better than others...and I did a fairly decent job of dealing with the pain/discomfort at times (and a miserable job other times)...anyway, yeah, it sucked!

Yeah, so that’s that...anyway, back to my point...

I went to the doctor (several of them actually) and none of them were actually sure about what was wrong with me. My main doctor here had no clue (and couldn’t even suggest anything to try to make it better). My doctor back home (my mom went to see him) thought that it might be insomnia--I was sleeping, but not really getting rest. Another doctor here (and eye doctor) thought that it might be the fact that my eye muscles were having a problem relaxing and that the migraines were caused by muscle tension (why should I be able to relax my eyes when I can’t relax any of my other muscles).

Blah, blah, blah, basically they had no clue...

Then, when I went home for Christmas and saw my doctor at home and he gave me a few different things to try...among them, a regular sleep schedule and sleep aids. In addition to this, there were several other things that I changed about my life--sleeping things, medication (both what and when I take them), yoga, and I feel like I’m forgetting something...anyway, I changed all this, and continued to talk to the counseling dean and a counselor from MIT Mental Health.

Long story short, I’ve been feeling much, much better this term, and I’ve not been exactly sure why...just glad that I am!

So...let’s see...I guess when I said, “back to my point” up there I didn’t really mean it, I just meant I should get back to focusing on the back story. But, this time I really mean, back to my point!

I have a theory about why I was not feeling well!

And now for more back story, I’ll try to make it short...I’ve always known that it makes me sick to my stomach if I lie, even the smallest lie (ie, “I did the dishes” when I didn’t). Because of this, I try very hard not to lie because there’s nothing good that comes out of lying...it just causes trouble (and a queezy tummy). What I didn’t realize was that it makes me feel physically sick when other people tell me serious lies or when they lie to themselves...I figured this out last weekend, and when I was dealing with that I started thinking about feeling sick and icky and all that crap, which inevitably lead to me thinking a lot about last term...

I think that I was lying to myself last term...and that’s what made me feel so sick. I mean at first it was a little lie about how I felt about things...specifically about everything that was going on with my grandma and the dog and my parents and...and...and there’s got to be something else...oh well. Yeah, so I was lying to myself about that stuff and it made me feel sick. This lead to me denying that there was anything wrong with me...and feeling sicker. And then I started not doing worse in my classes...and feeling worse. And then not pushing myself as hard when I ran because I didn’t feel well (I did run, I just didn’t push myself to run faster)...and continued feeling worse. See...it’s a terrible cycle...and it was not happy...

And I think that’s all I have to say now...um...I was sick, I can’t handle lies, why I was sick...um...yeah, that’s about it!

Thanks for reading! Hope I can post again soon!